Beyond Regret

“A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.” – Carl Jung

I saw quote above for the first time this week and immediately stirred something in me.

When I look back, I feel like most of my adult life was spent consumed in the fires of those infernos.

So much time and energy spent pursuing pleasure to numb and avoid the pain. An irrational fear that no matter what I accomplished, I’d’be revealed to be a fraud.

An immediate sense of regret surfaces when I think of those “wasted” years.

So much self-inflicted suffering.

I’m not certain I can say that I’ve overcome them completely. But I embrace the wisdom my coach once gave me …“You’re right where you’re supposed to be.”

I was then. I am now.

Only now I’ve done the work to shift from regret into gratitude.

To embrace all the experiences of my journey, as much as I might still want to look away from some of them.

Jung’s quote reminds me of the truth of my own experience: the only way out is through.

The Weight of Regret

We can’t live a life without regret.

It’s a useful cue that shows us when we’ve made a mistake.

Some regrets are like stones skipping across the surface. They touch us lightly and we move right by them.

But others weigh more.

Deeper regrets often stem from behaviors driven by unmet needs. Actions that hurt people we care about. Moments where our lives veered off course from the vision we once held.

Those regrets accumulate. They become a burden we carry and keep us stuck in place.

We regret the behaviors, but also feel helpless to change them.

Caught in a loop of rumination and self-judgment. We can become prisoners of our own minds.

Afraid to confront the shadow self that drives the behaviors.

Until finally, something or someone helps us see another way out.

Stepping into Compassion

I’ve found compassion to be an antidote to regret.

It allowed me to stop hiding the parts of myself I was afraid of and begin to understand them instead.

Compassion for the version of myself that didn’t yet have the tools. Or the awareness. Or the strength.

Compassion alchemizes passive regret into active growth.

It gives us the courage to change.

To stumble forward. To keep trying.

It helps us drop the weight we’ve been carrying—and break the invisible chains that have bound us for so long.

Compassion begins with forgiveness and love.

The kind we offer others so freely, but often withhold from ourselves.

But without offering it first to ourselves, we stay chained.

The Other Side

It’s taken me a long time to find my way out of those infernos.

And I’m not all the way out. The flames still flare and attempt to ensnare.

But my resistance continues to strengthen. I’m protected by the self-love and compassion I’ve cultivated through years of honest work.

Through going deeper into my discomfort. Through being in conversation with the different parts of myself and listening to what they have to say.

My resolve has strengthened by learning how the mind works. By understanding how the moments in my life when I wasn’t in control shaped my behaviors once I was.

I’m grateful for the experiences that led me here, even the ones that still make me cringe.

I’ve moved beyond regret. It has become the catalyst to redemption.

I know I’m walking on the road to a new way of being.

-Coach Kris