The Problem with Goals
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” - Lao Tzu
Conventional wisdom says goal-setting is the key to reaching our potential—individually and collectively.
But as anyone who’s tried to change a habit or lead a team through transformation knows: goals are easy to write, hard to realize.
Why? Because goal-setting is a mental exercise. And the mind is resistant to change.
Changing our own minds and behaviors is hard enough. Leading others through it? Exponentially harder.
This week, as I reflected on my team’s goals at work—three years into leading this group—I found myself stuck.
So I stopped trying to write new goals and started thinking about the challenges we’re facing.
This reverse engineering opened up a deeper exploration of a foundational truth—one that applies to goal-setting and human behavior alike.
Inside → Out
This reframe of thinking about goals led me back to James Clear’s seminal work “Atomic Habits.”
In it he writes, “Outcomes are about what you get. Processes are about what you do. Identity is about what you believe.”
At work, we can be so focused on the outcomes we want to achieve that we lose track of the importance of the processes that create those outcomes.
We only control so much in our work environment. It can be easy to let apathy set in.
It’s much easier to find blame in what we don’t control than to take accountability for what we do.
But when we refocus on what is in our control—how we show up, how we communicate, how we respond—we tap into intrinsic motivation.
We re-engage with purpose.
We connect to meaning beyond the paycheck.
That leads to the center of the bullseye. Our identity.
The Heart of the Matter
Years of coaching have helped me unpack the stories I’ve long accepted about who I am.
Stories I didn’t even realize I was living by. Stories that limited what I believed was possible.
For a long time, I had a vision for my life that felt just out of reach.
Not because it was unrealistic—but because I didn’t truly believe I was the kind of person who could achieve it.
That belief—quiet, unconscious, but powerful—held me back.
Now, as a coach, I see how common this is.
So many people, across industries and ages, are carrying around self-limiting narratives they’ve never examined.
They don’t question the foundation of those beliefs—how they were formed, whether they still serve them.
But those beliefs drive everything.
As James Clear writes:
“Progress requires unlearning. Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs and upgrade your identity.”
Big Dreams, Small Steps
That process of editing and upgrading can feel overwhelming.
That’s why Clear’s framework is so powerful in its simplicity:
1. Decide who you want to be.
2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.
That’s it.
You don’t become a new person overnight.
There’s a “fake it until you make it” aspect to all this, because we are literally rewiring the neural circuitry of our brains.
You practice the habits of that new identity—until it starts to feel true
What do writers do? They regularly write things that people read.
So every week, I find time in between work, parenting, ER trips with my dog (twice this week!) and put something out in the world.
Because that’s what writers do.
And three months in, I’m starting to believe.
Same with being a coach.
Same with any dream you aspire to.
Goals can inspire. But they can also paralyze. They can make us feel like we’re always falling short.
Real, sustained movement starts with focusing on the process.
The daily habits. The identity beneath the ambition.
Your identity is not fixed—even if it feels that way.
Especially in midlife, it can feel radical to believe you can change.
But you can.
You are not too old.
You are not too late.
What matters most is what you believe. And what you practice.
Because with practice, belief follows.
And belief changes everything.
-Coach Kris
P.S. Any book that you keep coming back to for inspiration years after reading it is worth owning. Find Atomic Habits here. Clear also writes my favorite email of the week. 3-2-1. Subscribe here.
