Einstein and Teens
“Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.” – Confucius
This weeks reflection improbably brings together the genius of Einstein with the challenge of raising teenagers.
Something I read in Dancing with the Wu Li Masters, a classic book that makes quantum physics accessible, led me to this connection.
Gary Zukav writes about how Einstein’s brilliance wasn’t just in his intellect—but in his beginner’s mind.
His ability to transcend the limits of his lived experience, and the scientific consensus of his time, to discover a completely new way of understanding… well, everything.
“The general theory of relativity shows us that our minds follow different rules than the real world does.”
Who knew physics and psychology were so intertwined?
Zukav is talking about how collectively, our human perspective is too limited to grasp larger truths of the universe. But it also applies individually.
Our minds are so good at convincing us we understand the truth of things—even when we’re seeing only a sliver of the full picture.
It’s humbling to remember how little we actually know, and how tightly we cling to the illusion that we do.
Maybe that’s why this week I’ve been especially aware of how my own perspective has evolved with age.
Especially after realizing at my company offsite that I was one of the oldest people in the room—and again at Lollapalooza with my teen daughter.
And yet, like Einstein, I’m energized by the reminder that the thrill of being alive is that there is always more to learn and experience—at any age.
That maybe, just maybe, there’s something for me to learn from my teenager’s defiance.
Trapped
Zukav continues:
“A rational mind, based on the impressions it receives from its limited perspective, forms structures which thereafter determine what it further will and will not accept freely.”
We only know what we’ve experienced and been taught. Over time, our worldview becomes a kind of mental cage.
“From that point on, regardless of how the real world actually operates, this rational mind, following its self-impressed rules, tries to superimpose its own version of what must be.”
That hit me. Although he is again speaking about humans collectively, isn’t that what we all do individually?
Everyone is so certain that their version of truth, their god, their values, their political views, their ways of being, are the right ones.
We feel compelled to correct anyone who sees it differently—rather than entertain the heretical idea that maybe their experience, being different from ours, might actually teach us something.
At a time when the world desperately needs broader awareness and deeper understanding, we’re doubling down on self-righteous certainty.
If Einstein—arguably the greatest thinker in human history—could generate paradigm-shifting breakthroughs by stepping outside his perspective, maybe we can slow down before condemning those who see the world differently
The Ultimate Challenge: Parenting a Teenager
The biggest test of this lately?
My 15-year-old daughter.
She is whip-smart. Fiercely independent. And absolutely convinced that she knows everything.
She has a very clear view of how the world works, and she’s not shy about dismissing anything I say that contradicts it.
And nothing stretches my capacity for patience, humility, and perspective-taking like trying to not lose my mind when she swats away the nuisance of my guidance.
Einstein had the mental fortitude to challenge long-held assumptions about the universe.
Meanwhile, I’m just trying to survive daily debates over DoorDash and crop tops.
But I’m learning that trying to understand her perspective is its own kind of strength-training.
It reminds me of the wisdom in: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
When I meet her with curiosity instead of correction, something shifts. Her defensiveness softens. The energy changes. She feels seen.
Ironically, the very behavior I criticize in her—being dismissive—stems from the same thing I want from her: respect.
It’s the classic Chinese finger trap of parenting teens. The more we both cling to our perspectives and our need to be right, the tighter the tension gets.
But today, thanks to reflecting on Einstein and Zukav, I understand her a little better. And I understand myself a little more too.
Embracing New Perspectives
At 49, one of the greatest joys of my life is how much mental weight I’ve shed. The burden of certainty.
Life is far more exciting and joyful when you realize you don’t have it all figured out.
Isn’t that what made childhood magical? Everything was new. Wonder was everywhere.
But as we age, our perspective narrows. We think we’ve seen it all. We become blind to how incomplete our understanding really is.
We get hoodwinked into chasing the wrong things. Our certainty becomes our cage.
But the good news?
The cage door isn’t locked. We can step out at any time—if we choose to.
Yes, it’s scary. But it’s also liberating.
The need to always be right is exhausting. And often, the root of our suffering.
So yesterday, even though my daughter wore an outfit I’m pretty sure I vetoed, I bit my tongue and told her she looked great.
We went to Lollapalooza together—a festival I used to attend religiously long before she was born.
Now I’m in the top 5% oldest people in the crowd… and I loved every second of it.
I got to see the experience through her eyes. And It wasn’t so different from mine.
We share a love for great music, personal expression, and the magic of thousands of fans gathered to celebrate both under the magical Chicago summer skyline.
And as I close out the week, I’m reminded—once again—of how little I know.
About quantum physics. About parenting.
About what comes next.
And I’m deeply grateful for the chance to keep learning.
– Coach Kris
The best teacher’s in my life; My wife and first born.
